WHY THIS WORK IS IMPORTANT NOW: Whether or not we have been victims of direct sexual violence ourselves, our society is so saturated with messages of sexual objectification and the victim, perpetrator, rescuer triad. We have all undoubtedly been affected by “rape-culture.” We are all victims of it and we are all participants in it. It’s impossible to get away from. The only choice we have is to change the dynamic within ourselves… up-level our own consciousness, and wake ourselves up.
By accepting responsibility for our part, living in alignment with our own personal truth, and acting in alignment with our internal clear YES's and clear NO's, we free ourselves from the Victim Perpetrator Rescuer Triad which is so deeply ingrained in our society.
When we witness each other we see that we are not alone. We are the same. We are one. When we come to value the balance we bring to each other and the mirror reflections we shine, we will create a new path collectively.
This necessary conversation increases knowledge, know-how, and breeds intimacy, communication, and the odds to have a FANTASTIC love life.
When I think about the fact that most mainstream porn is the example we have, and that most people learn how to have sex from this influence either directly or indirectly, I shudder with fright. When percentages of foreplay-giving are so imbalanced, when the actual act is shown so violently, when bodies are used as tools for someone else's pleasure, how could the majority of us possibly be having good sex?
The conversation between ourselves and our inner truth and our partner is imperative. When we repair the sexual dynamic between men and women, we prepare for a new horizon of equality in our relationships. When we talk with friends and strangers on the subject, we are confirmed in our truths... "Oh you too? Me too!"
People of all Genders have a responsibility to change the cycle in which we find ourselves. When we give fake No's because we are supposed to be "CHASTE", then others do not knowing how to navigate the line between the actual Yes/No because they are supposed to "CHASE." When we start saying true Yes's and actual No's, we will easily be able to navigate our boundaries and will no longer have to chase each other in the same way... thus freeing us from the cycle of Chaste and Chased.
Let’s start talking together about what it means to be men and women living in their completeness individually, communally, and in relationship with each other.
SEX, LOVE, AND RELATIONSHIPS is a vast umbrella. Each circle we will focus on a topic.
CODE OF CONDUCT All participants will agree and be expected to conduct themselves in the following ways during each Purple Circle.
We agree to keep all information revealed during the Purple Circle 100% confidential. We understand that we may discuss our own personal experience, but we may not reveal names, information, experiences, or stories shared by other Purple Circle participants.
We will practice the 4 Agreements (by: Don Miguel Ruiz)
Be impeccable with your word
Don’t take anything personally
Don’t make assumptions
Always do your best
We will also Hold Space for each other by agreeing to:
Listen without interruption
Be a continuous participant
Learn from one another
Listen to each other
Respect one another
Enjoy and be curious about our differences
Be brave and stand strong in the eye of an emotional storm
Share about ourselves when relevant
If we get Triggered, we will continue to hold Safe Space for ourselves and our coHearts by agreeing not to:
Direct our anger directly at another person
Leave the circle
Attempt to “Fix” someone else’s emotions
Judge one another
Attempt to stop, squelch, or hide our own emotions
Furthermore, we agree to never “Gaslight” each other. (Gaslighting means: to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own feelings, beliefs, or sanity.)
We will not discount each others’ feelings (by saying, “No, you don’t actually feel that way, you feel ___________ instead”).
We will offer each other a clean slate/fresh start at each and every Purple Circle.
We will do our best to resolve any negative feelings between participants during the present moment or as soon as possible. We will do our best to resolve all issues before the close of that Purple Circle. If we cannot, we will create a plan of action to resolve the conflict.
Finally, we agree that though love can happen any time anywhere, the Purple Circle is not intended to be a dating or hookup opportunity. Though sexual chemistry happens often, we agree to keep our energetic tentacles to ourselves (even if we find them wanting to hook into other participants).
We agree to take care of ourselves and maintain clear boundaries during all conversations. We give ourselves permission to say “No” at anytime. (If we receive a “No,” we can respond by saying, “Thank you for taking care of yourself.”)
We agree to not Friend Request anyone in the private Facebook group whom we have not met in person and asked, face to face, for consent to connect on social media.
If we find ourselves having an issue with one specific participant and we are unable to resolve the situation on our own in the moment, Sasha Zeilig must be notified.
If we do not feel safe because of another participant, Sasha Zeilig must be notified.
With the first complaint, Sasha will address the participant herself for resolution. If Sasha receives 2 complaints about a specific participant, that person will be asked to leave the Purple Circle for the rest of the year.
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